Sunday, June 15, 2008

Caption Hunt - In the Name of the King: A Dragonsiege Tale

DVD Viewing Date: June 15th, 2008
DVD Title: In the Name of the King - A Dragonsiege Tale
Reviewed By: Mike WIlkerson - 2GuysTalking


To those of you reading this entry for the 2GuysTalking Caption Hunt: I know I won't be the only person that was an adolescent who was trying to make a saving throw verses a wizard-invoked sleep spell during my experiences with Dungeons & Dragons, so let me preface it by stating this: Hope that you fail your saving throw and don't have to experience "In the Name of the King - a Dragonsiege Tale".

The potential for this movie to suck was - well - it's just easiest to say that that it just never had a chance. The career of Jason Statham has had many peaks and valleys, but this one folks? It's right there in the proverbial crotch of a chaotic evil orc. Still not sure why I say that?

Let me clarify - Ray Liotta as an Elvis-looking, sometimes Long Island-accented evil wizard? Ah ha, your eyebrows raise. Still not sold? How about Ron Perlman, Hellboy himself, as a fatherly, grey-haired, written for Morgan Freeman role? Alllmost there. Fine, the final nail in the coffin? It's not the incredibly bad not-so-special digital effects, it's BURT FRICKIN' REYNOLDs as the King. That's right, Smokey and the Bandit's Bandit has returneth to the land of peasants, not with 400+ horsepower, but on horseback in armor and cape. Pardon me while I get an Altoid.

Previews/Commercials Captioned: Yes - one of the saving graces of this very bad movie, is that the captioning is very inclusive. Not only do you get a word-for-word layout of the dialog, you also get a preview of what the character's names are (which in this movie is a great move, because there are so many in it) when they are introduced thereby helping you with a general mental description of who the people are and what their names are. Imagine having something like this featured in - say - Lord of the Rings? It's a piece of brilliance in a very murky cauldron of midieval farce full of bad acting, terrible accents and laughable "how did this movie get made" moments.

Opinion Review:

I think I have had enough post-Indy decompression time to tell you that it's not just my general dissatisfaction with movies lately that makes me hate this movie, it's the fact that I have seen so many movies in the last 5 years that (as I list above) make me wonder how on Earth these movies got made. The level of acting, the special effects quality, and the terribly miscast actors in this film are the stuff of movie WTF legend as far as I'm concerned. In particular is the inclusion of MatthewLillard as the King's completely worthless (both as a character and a family member) and murderous nephew with a floundering English accent and Kristanna Loken - YES TERMINATOR Fans, The TX from T3 appears as a vine-swinging, boob-shaking harlot! Dare I even tell you of the quick, small, please-tell-me-that-he-didn't-take-this-role of Gimli himself, John Rhys-Davies? Indiana Jones would quickly disown him if he knew! Quick! Give me the pair of purple 20-sided dice to change allow me the opportunity to change my fate!

Overall Caption Rating::5

Overall Show Rating: 1

Total Rating: 1

Do You Recommend This Show to Others Who Depend on Captioning? Nope - if fantasy is your choice of movies/DVDs for the evening, the theater releases of The Lord of the Rings (ANY of the three) will destroy all grimey residue of this travesty in your entertainment mouth. Seek them out with the zeal of Aragorn.

– Mike Wilkerson
Creator/Graphic Designer/Talk Show Host
- The 2GuysTalking Podcast
2GuysTalking Original Content Podcast Network – 314-229-7683

[Mike is a professional entertainment critic and talk show host for The 2GuysTalking Podcast Network, a multi-media podcasting company specializing in the broadcast of opinion, thought and ideas. Be sure to visit 2GuysTalking.Com for more information.]


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